Frerard Lives On
by MeEkO93
Summary: Frank Iero and Gerard Way have always had some type of chemistry, but both are married now, to Jamia and Lynz. Both musicians try to deny their feelings, but how many onstage kisses can they take before finally giving in? Frank/Gerard
1. Chapter 1

**In this fic, Gerard and Lynz don't have a baby. Sorry, Bandit!**

**Chapter 1-**

It was just one of those shows. Frank felt like he was flying on a high, and he knew what would happen at a show like this. _Why delay the inevitable?_ He thought slyly. He watched Gerard walk sexily across the stage, and his decision was made. He walked with the beat of the song in Gerard's direction.

Step. Step. Step.

Frank smiled with anticipation as he inched closer.

"Mama, we all go to-" Gerard's next lyric was cut off when Frank shoved his tongue down his throat. Frank could faintly hear Gerard's choked laugh in his throat. It was sweaty and sloppy, but Frank was so caught up in the moment that he didn't care. The crowd screamed and cheered, which made Frank press closer. They broke apart, and Gerard gave him a "well, you started it," kind of look, a mischievous glint in his hazel eyes. Then he put his hand on top of Frank's head and pressed down. Frank complied without hesitation, laughing his ass off. He had to concentrate on playing the right chords, but, as always, he managed as Gerard pressed his face into his crotch. The audience got even louder, which he thought wasn't possible.

"It's really, quite pleasant, except for the smell!" Gerard belted into the microphone. Frank laughed harder. It didn't get any more ironic than that.

And then it was over, and Frank practically bounced his way back to his spot on stage. He glanced over at Ray and Mikey, and both of them were smirking and shaking their heads. He couldn't see Bob's reaction as he was concealed behind the drum set.

The rest of the show went without a hitch.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard strutted off the stage, the crowd echoing behind him. He immediately grabbed a water bottle and leaned against the wall. He had that familiar buzzing in his ears and that tingly feeling in his throat. The rest of the band followed and they all did what they called their "Hell Yeah!" high five. He glared at Frank, just a little. Gerard always went along with his little stunts; it was after the show that he got mad about them. He was mainly mad at himself. Why did he always go with it?

Gerard used the same excuse he used every time: He was just so caught up in the heat of the moment that he couldn't help himself. He scoffed at that. _Yeah, right, _he thought.

As he usually did, he made a joke out of it. Frank gave him a high five, Gerard said, "You want my booooddy, you want to kkiiiiissss me, you want to toouuuccchh me," he laughed, shaking his hips with his water bottle in hand. The rest of the band laughed, but Frank only let out a small giggle and gave Gerard a peculiar look.

Gerard didn't know how long he could keep this up.

After signing autographs, the band headed to the bus to get some sleep. There were still hundreds of fans by the venue, screaming. It always bothered Gerard that he couldn't give them all autographs and take pictures. It made him feel good that he could make someone's day with a handshake.

Frank noticed the look on Gerard's face. He came up and put his arm around him. "Gee, you know you can't please everyone," he said lazily. He was running on two hours of sleep.

Gerard decided to ignore his arm, and the heat that seemed to be radiating off of it and burning his shoulder and neck. "Yeah, I know," he yawned. If he took the time to sign everyone's t-shirt, he supposed he would never get any sleep.

Everyone climbed in and immediately went to their bunks. Their gratitude for their beds_ still_ hadn't faded, and they had been sleeping on them for five years now. Gerard chuckled to himself. After every show, when he was going to sleep, he always thought about how amazing it was; the fact that all those people were there to see _them,_ singing along with _their_ songs. That feeling of satisfaction rose up in Gerard's chest, and he fell asleep within minutes.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Frank's bed was right above Gerard's, Mikey's was in the middle of the bus, and Ray's and Bob's were at the other end. So Frank listened as Gerard's breathing slowed. He himself was exhausted, but he was still so hyped up from the show.

He sighed and put his hands behind his head, gazing up at the ceiling with a slight smile on his face. Tonight had given him hope. Maybe Gee wasn't as oblivious as he was acting. He smiled wider as he remembered the times back when the band first started, and he and Gerard would sneak make-out sessions in the middle of the night, when everyone else was sleeping in their tiny van.

He thought of Jamia with a wave of guilt. Frank had known Jamia since high school; they were best friends. They both knew they weren't in love. They married each other more out of favors to one another, plus they were both on the rebound: him from Gee, and her from some guy she met in London. Divorce would probably be coming soon, but he knew they would always be friends.

Now the only problem was Lynz. She really was an awesome person, and Gerard _did_ love her, in a way. _Not the way you love me,_ he thought bitterly. That was the truth, and shows like the one that night gave him hope that Gerard was coming to realize that.

Then he thought about Gerard's words earlier: '_You want my boooddy, you want to kiiiisss me, you want to tooouuucchh me.'_

Wasn't that the truth.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard woke up at noon, and the bus was already moving. He yawned and stretched, groaning a little.

_Fucking morning breath,_ he thought. He sat up and immediately grabbed his cigarettes, which he kept stashed under his pillow. Frank and Ray always tried stealing them. Then he went straight for the coffee. The next show was in 7 hours, so he needed as much coffee as possible. He sat at the table, which, as usual, was a mess.

"Gerard, you awake?" Mikey called from his bunk.

"Yeah," Gerard, said. He cleared his throat.

"We're stopping at a Subway," he called.

"Alright," Gerard rubbed his free hand through his hair. It was getting longer, and he had one red streak going through it. He took a drag off of his cigarette and sighed, satisfied. How many times had cigarettes messed up his voice? And he still didn't quit. Oh well. He wiped under his left eye, and his hand was smudged with black. He probably looked like death had died two times and then came back to life.

"You missed a spot," he heard Frank's voice. Gerard looked up to see him standing in the doorway.

"Sometimes I think I should just stop wearing make-up to shows," he said, still wiping under his eyes.

Frank smiled. Gerard got out his phone.

"Who ya callin?" he asked.

"Lynz," he said, taking another drag off his cigarette.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Oh, of course he would be calling Lynz. His wife! Frank tried his hardest not to grimace as Gerard dialed the number. He supposed he should call Jamia. He hadn't talked to her in a few days. She was back in Jersey, living a normal life.

"Hey, sweetie, what's up?" Gerard said. Frank's stomach felt like it went hollow, as it always did when Gerard talked to her all lovey-dovey like that.

"Really? That's awesome!" he said enthusiastically, drinking his coffee. "Yeah, we're going to Denver tonight," he said with a smile. Frank almost groaned aloud on that one. Denver, the city where they had gotten married. "Ok, bye, Love you, too," he snapped his phone shut. "MSI is going to the recording studio next week," he said happily.

"That's great," Frank tried to sound happy.

The bus came to a stop, and he knew they were at Subway. Gerard got up, and Frank got a horrible whiff of his B.O.

"Holy shit, Gee! When's the last time you took a shower?!" he faked gagging.

Gerard laughed with him while he calculated. "About 2 weeks," he said.

Frank shook his head in mock shame. "Oh, Gerard, when will you ever learn to bathe more than once a month on tour?"

"Like you have room to talk, Shortie!"

"I find ways to stay clean, even if it is with a hose outside in the middle of the night!"

"Whatever. Let's go," Gerard said.

"It wouldn't hurt to wash your clothes more than once a year either, ya know!" he called after him. He stayed behind for a moment to collect himself.

Underneath the light and teasing on the surface, the hope that Frank had felt the night before was slowly fading. It had started to fade when Gerard had dialed his phone.

**It will get better, I promise! I am all about the romance, so if you're waiting for some hot Frerard sex scenes, you most likely wont find them in this story XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2-**

As the band ate their sandwiches, Frank started thinking, once again, about the kiss last night. If Gerard was so against them being together, why did he always kiss him back? And then, to top it off, he shoved Frank's face in his crotch! Ugh, Gee really knew how to drive a person insane!

He finished his last bite and quickly sent Jamia a text, saying simply, "Hey, whats up? " He supposed he could be a bit more creative, but his mood was slowly going downhill. He threw his phone on the table with a loud "clank," and sighed in frustration. How long could he keep this going?

Jamia never texted back.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard watched as Frank threw his phone down. He seemed agitated. No one else seemed to notice.

"Frank, what's wrong?" he asked as he finished the last bite.

Frank rolled his eyes."Nothing. Absolutely nothing," he said sarcastically. _Jeez, what crawled up his ass?_

"Ok…" Gerard said. He needed more coffee; the kind from the store just wouldn't do. "Hey, is there a Starbucks nearby?" he asked the guys.

"Yeah, probably about 3 blocks from here," Ray said.

Gerard immediately got up from his seat. "I'm walking. Anyone else want something?"

All the guys shook their heads. "Are you sure you should walk? Maybe you should take a security guard with you…" Mikey trailed off.

"I'll be fine," Gerard said. As he walked out the door, he heard someone following him. He didn't have to look back to know it was Frank. Gerard smiled and held the door open. They walked a couple minutes in silence. Gerard could practically feel the waves of frustration rolling off of Frank's body.

"Are you gonna tell me what's bothering you?" he asked hesitantly. He had a feeling he knew what it was, yet hoped that he wasn't right.

Frank shoved his hands in his pockets and put his hood up. "Nope."

Gerard sighed. Hopefully he was in a better mood by tonight. "Why did you even come with me?" he asked, a little more anger in his voice than he had intended.

Frank looked down to the ground and kept walking.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Why _had_ he gone with him? Frank knew the answer. It was because as much as it irritated the hell out of him, he still couldn't resist spending time with him.

"I wanted coffee," he finally mumbled. Gee rolled his eyes, obviously not fooled.

"Frankie, sometimes you can drive me crazy," he shook his head.

"I could say the same about you," Frank said, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice. He took a couple steps veering to the right, so he wasn't as close. _Funny,_ he thought. _I can kiss him at shows and put my arm around him afterwards, but if I do that now, I just know he would yell at me._

Gerard looked down, and for a moment Frank got the feeling that he knew exactly what he was talking about. Of course, Gee would never say it out loud. The last time he talked about their situation was about 3 years ago, after he married Lynz. That was when he put his foot down, and told Frank that they couldn't see each other that way anymore. How the hell was he just supposed to erase these feelings? It wasn't an on and off switch!

They found Starbucks. Frank felt the blast of cool air as they walked in. It was pretty hot outside, and he didn't think to take his hoodie off on the bus. Luckily, there weren't many people inside. Frank wasn't in the mood to be ambushed by fans right now. Now, all he had to do was hope that the girl working the counter wasn't a fan.

Gerard went up and ordered both of their usuals. They immediately walked back out into the hot sun. Frank's irritation hit the breaking point.

"You know what's funny?" he asked as Gerard lit a cigarette.

"What…" he asked warily, noticing the sudden change in Frank's tone.

"We can make out on stage, and no one, not even our wives, think anything of it," Frank said casually. He took a sip of his coffee.

Gerard moaned. "Can we not talk about this?"

"Talk about what? I'm just making an observation," Frank said. He sounded like a child, but he didn't care.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Gerard blew the smoke in Frank's face as he talked.

"Its not my fault you're freaking out over a simple observation," Frank said.

"Ok, here's what I think of your little observation," Gerard said, venom in his voice. "People don't think anything of our little stunts because everyone knows _they don't mean anything!_" he put emphasis on those last words.

Frank couldn't help but be hurt. He shoved Gerard as hard as he could, nearly causing him to topple over. Then he sped up, keeping a distance between them.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard steadied himself and watched Frank go a few steps in front of him. He didn't try to catch up. Sure, he felt a little bad, but he's not the one who started it!

They walked to where the bus was parked, and didn't even look at each other as they got on.

Gerard was laying in his bunk when Mikey came to talk to him. "What's going on with you and Frank?" he asked casually.

Sometimes the kid was too perceptive for his own good. "It's just one of those days, ya know, been on the road too long. Cabin fever," he tried sounding convincing.

"Oh," he said. "I thought it was about, you know…."

"No, dude, we're over that," Gerard said. Mikey had known everything. He was the one person Gerard could talk to when all of it happened. He made no judgments. That was one of the best things about his little brother.

Frank and Gerard didn't talk to one another until they absolutely had to, and that was around 4, when they were forced to do an interview on the radio together. It was channel 93.3, modern rock.

Gerard was used to these things by now, but he always felt a little nervous. It was like those old feelings in high school, like he was a teenager and afraid he would get made fun of if he said something stupid.

Now he and Frank were sitting next to each other with the microphones in their faces. Frank was always good at putting a good face on for interviews. He could be having a shitty day, but always pulled himself together the last minute, which is exactly what he had to do today.

"Hey, I'm Nerf, and I'm here with Gerard Way and Frank Iero of My Chemical Romance! What's up, you guys?"

"We're good, man how bout you?" Gerard said happily.

"Good! Are you guys excited to be playing in Denver?"

"Hell yeah!" Frank said.

"Gerard, isn't this the city where you got married?"

Gerard internally winced before answering. That question certainly wouldn't help Frank's mood. "Yes, it is. That was about 3 years ago."

Xxxxxxxxxx

Ugh, of course this dude had to bring _that _up, Frank thought. He kept his face calm, though.

"Are you married, Frank?" the guy, Nerf, asked.

"Yeah, I've been married 2 years."

"So, how's married life treating you guys?"

"Oh, it's been great," Gee said. "Just to have someone that completely knows you, and to share your life with, ya know?"

Frank let out a chuckle. Gee always went all deep and emotional in his interviews. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help thinking, _I completely know you, you idiot! _However he nodded in agreement with Gerard's words.

The rest of the interview was just like any other. Some interviews stuck out in Frank's memory, like if there were hilarious moments or something, but he knew this one wouldn't stick with him. Afterwards, they both went back to the bus to get ready for the show. One of the many things they had in common was the fact that they both took _forever_ to get ready. Make up and outfits, just like a couple chicks.

"Hey, Gerard?" he said.

"Yeah?" Gerard was putting on his eyeshadow.

"Sorry," Frank mumbled. He wasn't really sorry. Gee was being a jackass, after all, but he didn't like fighting with him. Maybe if he would just get his head out of his ass and realize his love for Frank, then everything would be ok!

"Yeah, man. Me too. Really." Frank could tell he meant it.

Frank laughed, because this moment seemed like it was stolen out of a chick flick. Gerard started laughing, too. They laughed for a long time, but then Gerard took a deep breath, trying to be serious.

"Just one thing…"

"What?" Frank asked, breathing hard.

"If you even _try_ to kiss me tonight, I'll kick you in the balls."

Frank laughed again. "Understood." He deserved it either way. Frank flashed back to the night when he himself had kicked Gerard square in the nuts.

Gee must have been thinking about the same thing. "I might anyway, just to pay you back."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3-**

He hoped Frank knew he wasn't kidding. That kick had hurt like hell last time!

"Alright, guys, we're on in 5 minutes!" Brian, their manager, said. Gerard stretched his arms, swinging them around. His heart started beating faster. This always happened until he got on the stage, then the confident Gerard emerged from nowhere.

There were deafening screams and cheers as the band came onto the stage. There was no fancy entrance, no theatrics. In a way, those were the best kind of shows.

"Hey, Denver!" Gerard's voice boomed. "Are you reeeaaddyyy?"

More cheers.

"Alright, lets fucking rock!" he screamed. The music for "Helena" started playing. "I want all of you to sing at the top of your fucking lungs!"

Yet louder screams.

"Long ago, just like the hearse you, died to get in again…" Gerard started. That's when the adrenaline started kicking in, and he started running around the stage. By the third song, Gerard was already drenched in sweat. That's when Frank came up behind him. Gerard felt his sweaty hand on top of his head, forcing him to bend backwards if he didn't want to get hurt.

Then Frank kissed him. Well, he tried, anyway. It seemed like it was taking a lot of effort to reach Gerard's mouth, but he managed. His hair fell into Gerard's face, and his hot tongue slip into his mouth and then around his chin. Gerard tried his best to heave himself back up, but Frank wouldn't let him go. He kissed him harder and harder. Gerard was surprised that their lips didn't stick together. Frank finally let him go, and he finished the rest of the song.

_Well, you asked for it…_ Gerard thought as he walked determinedly toward Frank.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Frank smiled widely as Gee walked toward him. He even made it easy for him and lifted his guitar out of the way. The blow sent him straight to the ground. Yeah, it hurt like hell, but it had been _so _worth it. He gasped in pain as he fell over. When he got up, they started the next song. Frank had a slight limp for the rest of the show.

Later that night, when everyone else had fallen asleep, Gerard leaned his head over his bunk to talk to Frank. His hair was hanging down, slightly moving back and forth.

"Yes?" Frank said, smirking. It struck him funny. Gee was trying to be mad but no one could take him seriously when he was hanging upside down like that.

"You totally deserved what you got," he said bitterly.

"I know," Frank replied casually. _Well worth it, _he added to himself.

"You said you wouldn't!" he argued.

"No, I never said that," Frank corrected. "I said I understood what you would do if I did!"

Gerard seemed to know he was right. By this point Frank had sat up, and his face was only inches away from Gee's.

"A kick in the balls wasn't enough to stop you?"

"Well, you said you might kick me anyways, for payback, right? I figured I would get kicked anyway, so I might as well have enjoyed myself beforehand." Frank laughed, and Gerard seemed dazed for a second, but then he shook his head a little and continued:

"Just don't do it again, dammit!" he seemed really flustered. His face was turning red, whether it was from hanging upside down, or from anger, Frank couldn't tell.

He leaned closer. "And how are you gonna stop me?" he challenged, staring into those too gorgeous hazel eyes. He was resisting every urge he had to kiss him again. Gerard didn't seem to have an answer. He just stared back. For one glorious moment, he thought he was going to kiss him, but then Gerard lithely flipped over and landed on his feet on the floor. He took a deep breath.

"Why can't you just stop?!" he shouted, grabbed his cigarettes and went outside.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard kicked the bus as hard as he could. All it did was cause him to jump in pain. It didn't even make a sound. He lit a cigarette, appreciating now, more than ever, the feel of the smoke going down his throat.

He had come really close to kissing Frank in there. For a moment, he had completely lost himself in Frank's smile and his laugh; that cute giggle. Damn him! He didn't want to have those feelings anymore! He had a commitment with Lynz. He _loved _Lynz. So why was he feeling these things? He leaned exhaustedly onto the bus. The tour was over. Tomorrow they would be headed back to Jersey. At least that would take the pressure of living in such close quarters off of his shoulders. Lynz was in their big house back in L.A. He wasn't really a fan of the huge house, but Lynz had really wanted it. He guessed he was just used to the old, dingy basement in Jersey.

Gerard hung out outside, in the freezing cold, until he was sure Frank would be asleep. He had trouble admitting to himself that he wasn't only avoiding Frank; he was afraid to go in there because he knew he would do something stupid. He hated being mad at Frank. They were as close as close could get, but why couldn't he just lay off? They couldn't see each other like that anymore! He refused to hurt Lynz like that. Even the onstage kissing had to stop, or he wouldn't be able to take it. How can he love his dear wife so much, yet want someone else so badly? Gerard would be lying to himself if he said he didn't think about Frank like that. Even last night, he was thinking about the way it felt when Frank's body was pressed up against him on the stage, the feel of his hot tongue in his mouth.

Gerard kicked the bus one more time when he went in, just so that the small jab of pain could distract him from his thoughts.

As if giving up the will to fight, he watched Frank's sleeping face when he got on the bus. It was only dimly lit by the moonlight outside, casting a blue-like shadow over his features. He looked over his whole face, something he had been avoiding to do for a long time. He started with his lips. They looked like they belonged on a porcelain doll, and his hair was fanned out over his forehead, almost reaching the middle of the bridge of his nose. Frank took a deep breath in his sleep. Gerard hesitantly moved his hand to his face, hoping that he was all the way asleep. His fingers trickled from Frank's temple down to his chin. He twitched slightly, so Gerard pulled back and quickly hopped onto his bunk.

_I'm so fucked,_ he thought as he went to sleep.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Frank woke up with that horrible feeling; he just knew it was going to be a bad day. The bus was moving. He glanced out of the window. As if to depress him even more, it was raining. He looked up to the overcast sky, silently cursing it.

Aside from the past couple days, the tour had been great, but he was glad it was over. Now he just had to endure the long ride home. He decided to try and call Jamia, for something to do. She didn't answer. Of course. She never answered his text the day before either. He wouldn't doubt she was seeing someone else, and he didn't care, as long as she didn't get all attached to him like she did with that dude from London.

He sighed and threw his phone back down on his bed. He put his pillow on top of his face. Maybe seeing his family again soon would cheer him up. After a while, he heard creaking from the bed above him, and he prepared himself for another blow. They just couldn't stop fighting, because Gee was being an idiot. He took his pillow off of his face right as he saw Gee's legs swing over the edge and jump down. Frank sneaked a tiny glance at his ass before he turned around. What? He was human, after all. Gerard looked down at Frank for the briefest instant, then walked away, probably to get coffee.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was one in the afternoon. Who knew where they were? He didn't care. Every passing mile was a mile closer to getting off of this forsaken bus! So, he stayed in bed all day. He didn't even get up to eat, only once to take a piss.

Xxxxxxxxxx

The band stopped at a hotel a couple nights later, because they all decided that they were in dire need of showers. It was true. They were starting to stink up the bus. Well, it was mostly Gerard, but he wouldn't admit it.

The hot water relaxed his muscles, something he desperately needed. However, the whole tome he was in there, the fact that Frank was only ten feet away kept creeping up in his mind. He tried his best to ignore it, that pull that Frank had on him. Did he feel that, too? Surely not.

He also contemplated the way Frank had been avoiding everybody for the past two days. He hardly ate. Gerard knew he was mad at him, or hurt, but why would he avoid everybody else? He supposed he should go apologize. He absolutely hated when they weren't talking.

So, when he was dressed in his pajama pants and t-shirt, he took a deep breath and went to make things right; well, as right as they could be in this situation.

"Hey," he started lamely. Frank was laying in his bed with his hands behind his head. He opened his eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"Can we just forget about the past few days? Please?"

"Yeah, let's just forget about it and keep on going like everything's fine."

Gerard thought it was sarcasm, but he couldn't quite tell judging by his tone. He sat on the bed, and Frank immediately sat up and scooted against the wall. "Just tell me what you want me to do!" Gerard said.

"I want you to-"he cut off mid-sentence and threw his hands in the air. "Fuck it! You don't want to hear it anyway!"

Gerard felt guilty at once. How could be so mean to him, when he wanted the exact same thing, in a way. "I'm sorry, Frankie! But how can I leave Lynz? I love her!"

"I know you do," he said quietly, hurt apparent in his voice.

Gerard's will power suddenly fell to pieces as he heard the pain in Frank's voice. He wanted to make him better, and there was only one thing he knew to do. He leaned in, gazing at Frank's startled expression. His mouth was only a centimeter away when Frank's phone rang.

He pulled back as Frank took his phone out. "Hello?" he said roughly.

Gerard was still dazed, so he wasn't listening to the conversation.

"What?" Frank whispered. "What?!" he said a little louder. "Oh my god! What-" he stopped and listened. Tears started welling up in his eyes. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! We'll be there soon!" he was practically sobbing as he hung up.

"Frank, what it is?" Gerard asked intensely.

"Jamia-"he choked up, putting his head in his knees. His shoulders started shaking. "Jamia's dead!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4-**

Frank watched Gerard's expression. It was like he had been slapped in the face.

"What?" he said slowly.

"Car accident," he said, working hard to control his voice. He couldn't find the words to describe what he was feeling. Guilt, anger, sadness, all mixed into one. Something like that. Tears were streaming down his face.

A few minutes of strained silence followed, filled only by the sound of Frank's sobs. A few times, he saw Gerard hesitantly reach toward him, but then pulled back. Frank decided to make it easy and collapsed into Gerard's chest, crying even harder. A pang of some indescribable feeling went through him when he thought of that stupid text he sent her a couple days ago: "Hey. What's up?" And she had never answered, because she was dead!

Gerard wrapped his arms around him, but didn't say anything. Frank clinged to him as if his life depended on it, and it was as if no matter how tight he held on, he was falling apart. He was falling somewhere unrecognizable. The two guys stayed like that for a while, until Frank was calm enough to breathe and talk normally.

"I n-need to go to bed," he stuttered.

"Ok," Gerard whispered into his head. Frank felt the soft whisper of his breath ruffle his hair. He got up and met Gerard's gaze briefly. He turned away and layed down, curling up into a ball. He let the pain overtake him, and he knew sleep wasn't coming any time soon. He not only felt guilty that he didn't talk to her or say goodbye. He felt guilty because here he was. He knew his wife was gone, and he was still undoubtedly in love with Gerard Way.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard and the rest of the guys were sitting in the lobby. He had told everyone the bad news, and everyone had pretty much the same reaction as him: "What?" as if he would lie about something like that. Following the initial shock were comments about Frank. "Poor Frank. I hope he's ok." Or "Poor Frankie, what can we do to help him?" They were all at a loss as to what to do.

At the present moment, they were all staring into space, thinking about death. That's what Gerard was thinking about, anyway. How death can just come out of nowhere, sneak up on you and rip you apart. He put his head in his hands. He was imagining if it was _him_ getting the phone call, telling him that Lynz was gone. He didn't know what he would do, what he would feel. He couldn't imagine what Frank was going through. He saw him in his head upstairs, alone, in pain. That image haunted his brain. He stood up as fast as if someone had electrocuted him.

"I'm going to check on him," he announced in a rush. Only Mikey looked up, with a knowing look in his eyes. He nodded and smiled slightly. Everyone else was still lost in their own thoughts.

Gerard proceeded back up to Frank's room. He wondered if he was still awake. He had been up there alone for 2 hours. Gerard didn't bother knocking; he just walked in, quietly shutting the door behind him. In the quiet darkness, he saw Frank's figure on the bed in the far side of the room, breathing deeply in and out. _Good, at least he can escape for a few hours by sleeping, _he thought.

He walked over and slowly sat on the edge of the bed. Frank was curled up in a ball. He sat there and watched him sleep for a moment, while thinking of everything that had happened. He knew Frank probably felt guilty as hell. He knew he hadn't talked to Jamia before she died. It was probably eating him up.

Without even thinking about it, he bent down and placed a kiss on his cheek. He didn't know why he did it; it just felt right. His cheeks were still wet from tears. Gerard softly wiped them with his hand. He let one tear escape from his eye, then went to his room to get some sleep.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Frank heard the door open. He quickly turned over and pretended to be asleep. He didn't feel like talking, not even to Gerard. He made sure his breathing was even and sat perfectly still. He heard footsteps come nearer and nearer, until the edge of the bed sank down. He knew it was Gee, but remained still.

He could feel those hazel eyes boring into him. Then something totally unexpected happened. He almost opened his eyes when he felt Gee bend in, his soft lips kiss his cheek. That simple gesture made him swell up with gratitude. As if that wasn't enough, Gee's hand gently wiped his face, which was still wet with tears. One second later Gerard left the room. Frank slowly sat up and put his hand to his cheek. Suddenly, he was exhausted. He collapsed back into bed and fell asleep quickly.

It was a quiet ride home. Once again, Frank didn't talk to anyone, hardly ate, and stayed in his bunk, but this time, he did it for completely different reasons.

Gerard tried talking to him once, when they were almost there.

"Hey, Frank?" he said, on his bed above him.

"Yeah?" Frank said.

"Wanna talk?"

He took a deep breath. He didn't even know the answer to that question. "Maybe later."

Gee was quiet for a moment. "Ok."

Frank heard the flipping of pages. Gee was probably drawing, or reading. He closed his eyes. He had no idea what to do with himself. When he was around Gee, he was transfixed, but then he felt guilty because he was supposed to love _her,_ not the singer of his fucking band! As he lay there, he thought about that simple kiss on his cheek the other night. He didn't bring it up, and he didn't want to. Gee thought he was asleep; who knows what he would do if he found out he was awake.

He kicked the wall of the bus. He was all cried out, but he wished he could cry right now, just so he could feel better.

After what seemed like a very long time, they arrived back in Jersey. The familiarity of his hometown was enough to make him feel slightly better. He stopped to stare at the gas station where he and his friends used to ditch school and get high. Everything seemed so surreal. He wished none of it was real. He wished he wasn't himself! Then he wouldn't have to deal with these complicated and annoying emotions. Without remembering quite how he got there, he was at his parent's house. He vaguely noticed his parents hug him, and vaguely remembered going down to the basement, where he used to practice 24/7.

Gerard and the guys said that they would all call him later. Bob was flying back to Chicago, and said he would call Frank when he landed. So now, Frank was in the same position as he was the night before. Alone. And right now, alone with his own thoughts was definitely not a good thing.

He sat on his old bed for about an hour, the endless circle of confusion swirling around in his head, giving him a headache. He finally hopped up, knowing what he wanted to do. He hadn't drank in such a long time, and as he made his way to the liquor store, he knew it was probably a mistake to drink away his problems. But he didn't care. Getting totally wasted seemed like a perfect way to help him think about other things, even if only for a little while.

He bought a 24 pack, went home, and drank until he couldn't anymore.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Gerard thought about going back to the apartment he had rented before the tour, but didn't feel like being alone. So, he and Mikey went to their parent's house, and things felt like they had a few years before. Normal. Luckily, his mom and dad hadnt changed a thing in the basement, so he went down there to think. Mikey knew not to bother him. That kid was like a mind reader.

Since Frank was so distraught, he decided to call Jamia's family, to find out about funeral information and all that. He got out his cell phone.

"Hello?" said a woman's voice.

"Is this Mrs. Nestor?" Gerard asked.

The woman cleared her throat. He had the feeling she had been crying. He immediately regretted calling. "Yes, this is her."

"Hi, this is Gerard-"

"Oh, Gerard, thanks for calling! I hadnt heard from Frank so I was worried."

"He's in pretty bad shape," Gerard admitted. Just being honest. "i was just calling to ask, uh, when the funeral is?" How did you ask something like that without sounding callous?

"Oh, its in 2 days. Tuesday, over at the old church."

"What time?"

"One o clock," she sniffed.

"I'm so sorry," Gerard said. What else could he say in a situation like this?

"I'll be ok," she said. He could tell she was trying her best to hold everything in, so he quickly said bye and hung up. He texted everyone telling them when the funeral was. Everyone but Frank answered with a simple "ok."

He lay back on his bed with a deep sigh. What to do now? He put in his old Iron Maiden tape. All this time and he still hadn't bought the cd. He smiled as he remembered when him and Mikey would trade tapes. That seemed like so long ago, but being back in this house made him feel like he had gone back in time, before My Chemical Romance had become his life.

It seemed like seconds, but when he opened his eyes to a tapping on his window, it was dark outside and his room was quiet. He quickly sat up and looked toward the window. He squinted in the darkness. Frank? He wondered. He got up and let him in. Frank toppled to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing here, Frankie?" Gerard heaved him up, and immediately smelt alcohol on his breath. Oh, great.

"Just wanted to say hi," Frank laughed stupidly, slurring his words.

"Dammit, Frank! Aaahh," Gerard tripped over dirty clothes on the floor and Frank landed loudly on his bed. "Sshhhh. People are sleeping!" he whispered hurriedly. He clumsily made his way to his bed in the dark and sat next to Frank. He smacked both his knees. "Talk to me."

But Frank did anything but talk. He tackled him and kissed him sloppily on his neck, his face.

"Frank! Get off of me!" Gerard said, praying that no one was awake upstairs. Frank didnt stop. And Gerard found himself enjoying the contact. He feebly kept trying to push Frank off of him, but his will was crumbling. He closed his eyes, his mind going to the place that didnt care about consequences. Frank put his hands under Gerard's shirt and carressed his entire chest. Gerard moaned, but then something snapped in his brain. Frank was drunk. This was wrong. His wife had died! As much as he didnt want to, he pushed Frank off.

"Frank, stop it!"

Frank sat up and giggled. "What?"

"We cant do this," Gerard said firmly. "Its wrong."

Gerard saw a hint of hurt in Frank glazed over eyes. "What? You dont want me?" he asked, his words coming out all funny.

"I do! Just... not like this," Gerard looked into those beautiful eyes.

"You do want me?" he asked incredilously.

How could Gerard deny it anymore? The answer was staring him straight in the face. "Yes," he finally admitted. At that moment, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He had been in denial for a long time. Frank just stared at him for a moment, his drunken mind trying to figure out what he had just said. "Just... go to bed and we'll talk tomorrow," Gerard said. If he was lucky, Frank wouldnt remember any of this in the morning..

"Ok," Frank mumbled. He got up and gave Gerard a clumsy hug. "I love you, man." he laughed.

Gerard's heart stopped. Did he really just say that? What was he supposed to say to that? "I... love you too," he said quietly. Thankfully, it appeared Frank didnt hear him. He crawled up onto Gerard's bed and passed out almost immediately. Deciding to resist temptation. Gerard grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch upstairs.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Can they walk any fucking louder?_

Franks head was pounding, and it seemed that overnight Gee's parents had grown gorilla feet.

_Stomp. Stomp. Stomp._

Ok, he was sure his head was exploding. He slowly got up from the bed. Everything was blurry. His stomach lurched.

_Oh shit._

He booked it to the downstairs bathroom. Last night, he didn't stop to think about the horrible consequence: a hangover. He heaved and gagged for a good while, That certainly didn't help his headache. His stomach felt hollow, but the last thing he wanted was food. Frank worked his way up and flushed the toilet, wondering what the hell he was gonna do. What was someone supposed to do if they showed up wasted in the middle of the night, under these circumstances? Maybe he should just leave; he doubted Gee wanted anything to do with him anyway.

He could barely remember coming to Gerard's house at all. There were vague details, like when he tripped over a rock on the way there. He can remember Gerard's voice, but couldn't for the life of him remember anything that was said. He felt like something important was said, something that he needed to remember, but all he could remember was Gerard saying "Talk to me" and then nothing. Frank had a tiny inkling that he may have tried to make out with him, but maybe that was just a dream.

Why did he always screw up?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Gerard got some coffee, he heard the unmistakable sounds of a hangover coming from downstairs. He couldn't help but smirk. As he was adding sugar, Mikey came up behind him.

"Am I missing something, or is there a hooker downstairs?"

Gerard chuckled. "That hooker is Frank. He showed up wasted last night." Gerard didn't go into details.

"Poor Frankie," Mikey said.

"I know," Gerard agreed. "oh, I called and found out when the funeral was. Saturday at St. Marys church."

Mikey nodded. "Ya know, if you wanna talk about anything-"

"Not now, Mikey!" Gerard said. He didn't want to talk or think about anything until he absolutely had to. Besides, he could hear Frank coming up the stairs. Mikey glided out of the room.

"Hey," Gerard said. Oh, this was gonna be awkward.

"Hey, Gee," Frank said. Gerard could tell he was embarrassed.

"How are you feeling?"

"like shit."

"You look like shit too," Gerard joked. All of this felt like it was fake! Like they were saying scripted lines to try and avoid all of the big issues they knew couldn't be avoided. Coward that he was, he kept it going.

"My parents left for work, so you can chill here if you want."

"Uh, ok. I think I'll just…take a shower then."

The air was thick with unspoken words. "mmhmmm" Gerard said, trying to be casual. Why did this feel so weird? He wondered if Frank remembered anything from the night before.

Frank slowly walked by him. Gerard could feel his body heat that gave him chills. He went rigid, squeezing his coffee mug so hard he thought it would break. He took a deep breath. Something was coming. He knew it. He could feel it.

_No! Stop it!_ He tried to ignore it. Tried his hardest. For one moment, he thought he could pull it off, until he heard the shower come on, and he unwillingly let images float in his mind: Frank, wet, naked…

_Oh, god dammit!_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Frank had just finished washing his hair when he heard the door open. His breath caught, he froze. It couldn't be him. It wasn't him. Maybe Mikey had to take a piss or something, but he was sure with every fiber of his being that it couldn't be him. But he knew it was.

He was facing the wall, and didn't turn around when the shower door opened. He felt the cold air waft in. Frank couldn't move. This could not be happening!

He was close to hyperventilating. It was like he was on a first date or something. Why was he so nervous? This is what he wanted, wasn't it? It seemed to take hours, but he finally felt Gerard's hands on his shoulders, and he relaxed, breathing deeply. He hadn't realized how tense he really was. He couldn't bring himself to turn around. He was ashamed, confused, embarrassed, and didn't know what to do.

Gerard's hands started to massage him. They felt so warm, so _so _good. And suddenly he let out a sob, or grunt. It felt like his breaking point. He turned around.

"Frank," Gerard said softly.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Even with the water running down his face, Gerard could tell Frank was crying. His eyes were red. He wanted nothing more than to be close to him, so that's what he did. Frank wasn't balling, just letting out what he needed to. Gerard leaned in and kissed his neck, let his tongue roam from the neck to the adams apple. His hand ran down Frank's stomach, down to his erection. He grabbed it gently, and heard Frank's breathing speed up.

Frank stepped back to lean against the wall, and Gerard finally kissed him. The water made their bodies slick. Frank wrapped his arms around him, as if he would never let go, and Gerard pushed himself harder against him, pushed his hips against Frank's, all the while never breaking that kiss. He tenderly cupped the side of Frank's face, and Frank ran his hands through Gerard's long jet black hair.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_I hope this never ends._ Frank thought. There were no words that could describe this. It was hot, passionate, yet caring and gentle. It was like their bodies were melded together, and they just kept kissing. He could feel Gee's erection on his stomach. He moaned, and Gerard finally broke away. They were both panting.

For the first time in a long time, Frank didn't care what this meant. He didn't care if this was a one time thing, if Gee was going to leave him for Lynz the next day. All he cared was what was happening now. He was going to enjoy it and never forget it.

He looked up at Gerard, and it seemed like he was deliberating what he wanted to do next. Their eyes locked, and it seemed like they both mentally agreed.

Frank allowed himself to stop thinking and let his body think for him. He felt Gerard inside him. He had wanted this for so long, and it was so worth the wait. All of the problems in the outside world – Jamia, Lynz, the funeral- didn't matter at all when he was in this world, the perfect, heavenly, peaceful world with Gerard.

Both guys had gotten out and dressed. Frank was moving as slowly as he could. The world of no consequences was gone, and he was hoping against hope that Gerard didnt regret any of this. He was driving himself insane with worry. He tried to hold back the panic. He wish he could go back to not caring what happened after, because he definitely didnt want Gerard to go back to Lynz after this. He didnt know if he could stand it.

He sat on the living room couch and waited. His hands were shaking.

_For fucks sake, stop being such a pansy!_ he thought. Frank couldnt believe how much he wanted Gee, how attached he really was. Surely that wasnt healthy? He felt like he was Bella, and Gerard was Edward, and how pathetic he was that he was that in love with someone. he had always scoffed at how pathetic Bella was with her insane love for Edward.

_Holy shit, my life is a romace novel._

Then Gerard walked in.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Frank was staring out into space, and his hands were shaking. Gerard was watching form around the corner, wondering what he was going to do. Why did he look so stressed? Gerard wondered. Then Frank scoffed and put his head in his hands. Gerard walked in, and Frank looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Now Gerard understood. He felt guilty at once. How many times had he showed Frank affection, and then turned around and told him they couldnt be together? It was obvious that was Frank's worry now.

Gerard absolutely could not do that to him again. How could he be so heartless before? Perhaps it was because he had never seen Frank so afraid. He could tell that Frank was mentally preparing himself for the blow.

_I am such a jackass, _he thought with regret. He had hurt Frank so much more than he had realized.

He sat down by him and grabbed his hand. He sat vertically on the couch and gently pulled Frank next to him, so they were squeezed right next to eachother. He could practically see the question marks in Frank's eyes. Gerard had to admit that he was kind of enjoying this. He smiled and kissed Frank's forehead. Slowly, but surely, Frank relaxed. It felt so natural. He reached over and grabbed the tv remote.

"Train Spotting's on," he said casually, rubbing Frank's shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Frank was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. He hadn't been to a funeral since he was little, unless you counted the "Helena" video shoot. All day he had to deal with people giving him "condolences."

"Frank, I'm so sorry for your loss." How many times had he heard that all day? Well over fifty. Of course it was all over the news, splashed into newspapers, put on websites:

"Frank Iero's Suffering: How Will he Cope?"

That was a good question.

He was on MCRs website last night and he saw the millions of fans' comments, wishing him all the best. If only they knew how bad of a person he was. He was in love with someone else. Always had been. Guilt turned him inside out when he thought about his pathetic excuse for a marriage. The real question was, what was he going to do now?

He wanted nothing more than to be with Gerard, completely and fully with him. However, every time they were together, there was that nagging in the back of his mind, telling him it was wrong to move on so quickly, as if Jamia was finally out of the way.

These thoughts kept going through his head, over and over and over throughout the funeral. Why can't there be a simple answer for once?

Oh, another thing he had to worry about: what if Gerard still didn't want to be with him. _His _wife wasn't dead, after all. Frank was constantly on edge, knowing that in the next moment, Gerard would have a change of heart and tell Frank they couldn't do these things anymore. Gee had done that to him so many times in the past, and Frank had always forgiven him. If Frank wanted to be with Gerard, he was just setting himself up for disaster. Why would he want to do that to himself? He was already going through enough!

Frank went to bed with his decision made. He couldn't chance it. Gee would always run back to Lynz. This time, Frank was going to be the one telling Gerard they couldn't see each other any more. A bitter part of him thought, _we'll see how he likes it._

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gerard went to Frank's house the next day. It was like an instinct. Make sure he's okay; that was his only priority. Without even knocking, Gerard burst through the door.

"Frank? You up?"

He came walking through the kitchen doorway. He looked at Gerard for a second, seemed to be analyzing everything about him. It made him feel a little self-conscious.

Gerard's mouth suddenly turned dry. Something was wrong.

"Are you ok?" he asked weakly. He seemed to have lost his voice.

"I'm fine," Frank said, a little bitterness to his tone.

Gerard took a hesitant step toward him, raising his arms. Frank didnt even make eye contact. When he looked up, it was like he was staring right through Gerard, his light hazel eyes like ice. Gerard just stared, trying to connect.

"Frank, look at me," he said calmly. Again, it was like looking at a mask. He was staring into space. "What's wrong?" he said, a little desperately.

Frank looked down, scratched the back of his neck, and took a deep breath, like he was composing himself. When he looked up his eyes were even harder than before, like a robots. Gerard was a little scared.

"Gee, what are you doing here?"

"I'm seeing if you're ok..." Gerard said, unsure. His stomach was starting to do flips. He felt nervous. Extremely nervous, almost panicked.

Frank's expression didn't change. "I'm going to ask you a question. You have to answer honestly." he said. Gerard didn't like the monotony in his voice.

"ok..."

"If you had to choose, at this moment, between me and Lynz-if you had to choose one person to be with, who would it be?"

Gerard's insides turned to ice. He wasn't ready to answer this yet. He couldn't choose! He loved them both so much! After just a moment's hesitation, Gerard saw a little break in Frank's act. His face showed some kind of emotion, before he said.

"That's what I thought." He walked away to his bedroom, leaving Gerard stunned in the kitchen doorway.

_What the fuck?_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It took all of Frank's efforts to not cry. What was he thinking? Did he really think that Gerard would drop everything for him? That Gee would divorce Lynz and be with him forever? Time to face reality; his life wasn't a goddamned fairy tale! He took deep, calming breaths. Well, that was that. Now he knew that if he even had one glimmer of hope that they could be together, it was pointless. He would be setting himself up for hurt. He supposed it was best to stop now, before they got in any deeper.

Gerard walked in, slowly, like he was walking on shards of glass.

Frank didnt look at him. Looking at him in those tight skinny jeans and leather jacket, with his hair perfectly combed and his dark eyeliner would only make it that much harder to let go. He composed his face. He didn't want Gee to see how much this hurt. He never wanted to show weakness in fron of Gerard way ever again!

He sat next to him, and Frank scooted as far away as he could, hoping he would take the hint and leave.

"Frank, what to do you want me to say?" he said softly, hurt apparent in his voice.

"You don't need to say anything."

"Why are you doing this?" Gerard seemed on the verge of yelling, breaking something. He gritted his teeth.

Frank finally snapped. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry that I dont want to be a little piece of ass on the side, Gerard! I'm sorry I don't want to take turns with Lynz!"

"It's not like that, God Dammit!" Gerard yelled. He stood up, spine rigid. "I don't know what to do!"

"Well, I'm not going to sit here and wait! Not anymore! I'm not gonna go through that again! Every time I think you made up your mind, you go right back to _her!" _Two tears rolled down his cheeks. He wiped them off angrily. He wanted to punch him, over and over! He wanted to cause him as much pain as possible.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gerard knew Frank was right. They both sat silently, steaming, creating an awkward silence.

Five minutes later, when they were both calmed down a little, Frank finally spoke:

"How do you think I feel, Gee? My wife just died, and all I can think about is you! All I can think is that we can be together now. How fucked up is that? All I'm saying is, I don't want to hope there's a chance if there isn't, so just tell me now!"

He said all this rather calmly. Gerard sat there, choosing his next words carefully.

"Frankie...can I just have some time to think? Trust me, I'm just as confused as you. But just give me some time!"

Frank wrapped his arms around his knees and huddled up into a ball. He leaned his head down. Gerard heard his muffled voice. "I guess I don't have a choice, do I?" he asked.

Gerard wished he could take back every single time he had hurt him. He had just promised himself that he would never do it again, and here he was, telling Frank he needed more time to decide.

He crawled across the bed to him, forced him to unwrap himself and look up at him. His eyes were red. Gerard held Frank's wrists in his own.

"I'm so sorry, Frank," he said gently. Really, what else was there to say. "I always tell myself I'll stop hurting you, and I never do. I don't deserve you."

That was the ugly truth. He leaned down and kissed Frank gently on the forehead. "I'll call you soon. I will never hurt you again."

And with that, Gerard left, knowing he was going to do. Once and for all, he knew his decision. Now, he just had to be man enough to own up to what he was about to do. All he needed was a little more time.


End file.
